it's like heaven, but drunker
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
