shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
