TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize