Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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