weddingsv make me drug and hornr
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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