I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
