Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
