i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
