The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
