My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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