he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
