i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
