I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
