were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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