I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
