I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize