ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
