Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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