remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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