just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
