seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
