There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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