I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
