so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
