question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
