TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
