$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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