Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
