So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
