here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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