I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize