if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
