did you get engaged???
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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