Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
