what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
