I'm pants shitting drunk right now
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize