if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
