sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
