Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
