she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize