Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
