Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
