On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
