I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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