You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
