its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
