The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
