Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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