i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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