any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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