i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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