hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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