Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
