Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
