im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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