I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
