I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize