i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize