my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
