What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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