I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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