I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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