haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dignity is for republicans.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
