you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
