I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
