why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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