I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found puke in my bra..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
