At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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