I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
