He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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