I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
