I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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