id be glad to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
