I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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