He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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