why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
