I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
