He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
