Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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