i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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