I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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