well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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