good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You made out with two different species that night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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