five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
only if we run a train.
done.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
