I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
