i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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