bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
two words: eviction party
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
