I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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