i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
