If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
