there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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