Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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