I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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