This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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