ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize