I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just had sex on a roof
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
