something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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