Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
