hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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