Your dad touched me again.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
