He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
