do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
