he shaved USA in his pubs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize