farters have to be the big spoon...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
