I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
