I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
