she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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