my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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