I faked an abortion last night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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