we made out on top of his cat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
