girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
