i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
